Questions to Consider Before 'Going Back'
Patricia Evans provides the following for survivors who are unsure:
If you are separated from your loved one and wonder if there is change, please consider the following case. A couple were separated. One person (A) wondered if the other had changed, but realized the other (B) had not because of B's relentless pressure exerted on A to come back. Never once did B ask, "How do you feel? What do you want?" If you are facing this kind of pressure, it might be helpful to ask yourself the following questions. Do you hear,
- What do you want?
- What bothers you about being around me?
- Do you like constant calls or emails from me?
- How do you feel when you come to the house?
- How do you feel after seeing me?
- What do you envision as best for your future?
- Are you interested in hearing my vision for us again, or do you feel usurped by my constantly telling you how you should be?
- Are you interested in hearing me tell you what I want from you hundreds of times a week?
- Do I sound selfish?
- Have I shown an interest in your reality, experience, hopes, dreams?
- Are you experiencing trauma from the things I said and did for years?
- Do you shake when you see me?
- Can you heal from this trauma?
- Do you believe you could like a person who has been self-centered and abusive for a long time?