The point has been made that whatever his or her background, experiences, and circumstances,  every  primary aggressor must make the deliberate choice to use power over a partner. In fact choice is the only factor that is common to all abusive relationships. From this, some have asserted that choice is the only contributor to domestic abuse that is relevant. This makes a type of sense since the moment of choice should represent a last chance to avoid harm.

However, while choice can be asserted, theoretically, in all cases of violence, premeditation cannot always be seen in individual acts. Exhorting primary aggressors  to control themselves has a moral fitness to it, but it seems to fail on a practical level because control is the essence of abuse, not the solution. If the primary aggressor's goal of power and control is ineffectively confronted throughout a sanctionng process, choice will be used to try to minimize the obviousness of control but not the actuality. Primary aggressors can develop the self-regulation that consists of abundant non violent choices, but that requires addressing all the issues that contribute to their violence